For about week or so now, I have been bothering myself (again) with the purpose and meaning of (my) life.. yes, sometimes I get lost and I really should just write down conclusions or the purpose/meaning I find from time to time.. just to spare myself the trouble of thinking about it over and over again.. this time, the problem was that I couldn’t find the reason why am I doing anything basically.. why do I even get up in the morning, why do I go to work, why do I think about doing this and that.. why do I do whatever when everything is pointless and meaningless.. I have found myself so spaced out and detached from everything and everyone.. and it was a lonely place.. and a place I didn’t like.. all I could hear in my head was that cliché sentence “I’m standing in the world (room) full of people but I feel all alone”.. and no one can hear me scream.. and then I remembered that youtube video I have seen a while ago that have made a huge impact on me and became a standing point of my personal philosophy.. its Carl Sagans Pale blue dot.. (if you haven’t seen it, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wupToqz1e2g) Honestly, I got so stressed about almost everything that even my body decided to misbehave.. and that was my que to stop.. just stop whatever I was doing to myself..
The point is that there is no point at all.. I know, it sounds stupid at first but think about it for a second.. we are thought to have plans and to set the direction and to check those boxes I already told you about.. but.. there is no point.. there is no point of hunting anything.. so I kinda decided I shall make no plans and I shall hunt nothing.. that doesn’t mean I will start doing nothing.. I will just stop heading in the direction I thought i had.. I will just live.. and enjoy the moment, people, food, music, rain, pain, and whatever life brings.. good or bad.. there is no point of being obsessed about this and that.. cuz all I can do is breathe.. and be.. at the end of the day all I have is me.. and its time I start learning how to be friend with that person.. I need to change stuff from within and stop ignoring myself and what “she” is saying.. there is entire little universe there of someone who wants to be heard.. I just need to start listening.. cuz all the “accomplishments” will mean absolutely nothing when the end comes.. and it will have no correlation with the person you really are.. so why should I put all my energy to it.. point is, I have no idea what I want from life at this point… and the bigger point is.. it doesn’t matter.. cuz, whats the point of having or not having a point.. exactly, there is no point.. at all..